I can't wait to feel this good again! 🙂
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This is a question I have been asking myself for a very long time. The definition in the Dictionary is “having the quality, or condition of being harmful, destructive, or deadly”. Interesting.
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You see, I have been on a “detoxification diet” for the past 22 days. The doctor has me eating only fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. The reason was quite simple, he wanted to grant my wish and get me off of all the medications I was on for throughout the past six months. Quite possibly the most horrific days I have had to face so far, was when I couldn’t get out of bed and all I could do was throw up from the pain. This is what happens when we rid our lives of toxins.
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I don’t take the irony of this comment lightly. In the past year I have had to let go of some extremely toxic people in my life. My definition of people who are toxic to me … is that they keep me from the Light. They take up my time with chaos and drama. They drink or do other extra carricular activities that prohibit them from being accountable for their words or actions. They blame me or someone else (actually anyone else) for any and everything that is wrong in their life. Basically they sucked the energy right out of me, and took away my joy. Kind of like being on a pain medicine that only puts me to sleep, but never takes away the pain. When I wake up, the symptoms are still there.
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Right now, I am fighting with everything I have got to keep my sanity. I cannot believe it has been over six months that I have had THE SAME HEADACHE. I pray constantly for the day I will be without pain. The day I can go back to the job I love so very much. The time when my days do not revolve around whether I have a doctors appointment or not. The moment when I won’t be winded from walking up a flight of stairs. And the night I will be able to sleep without tossing and turning in hopes I will get comfortable enough to actually get some rest.
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The past three weeks, as I said, have been extremely difficult for me. But what has kept me going is the strength of my family and friends. You have been here to listen, give advice, and remind me that although I am not flying right now, my life still has tremendous purpose. My mind was so focused on “Mail Call” and getting the stuff out to the troops, I had perspective. And I thank God for the friend who told me to remember the Wounded Warriors or my orphans in South Africa when I needed a reality check. They keep me grounded in my thoughts every day. Many things upset me these past two weeks. Most importantly was the transition from short to long term disability. I have had to jump through hoops at Social Security to get disability paperwork submitted. (I had to do this in order to get long term disability approved). I’ve faced some personal challenges that upset me tremendously. Sometimes being as loving and kind as I am, means people hurt me deeply. I think they don’t realize to what degree.
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Wednesday I made my way to S. Cal to be with Julie’s kids and my dear friends for Thanksgiving. I was a bit nervous going to the airport (can you believe I am saying this????). I felt like a duck out of water. The last doctor I went to told me he didn’t know what was wrong with me and he couldn’t help me. What I hear when someone says that to me is “you are a lost cause”. And to me, those words are toxic. My self talk needs to be a little gentler (or a lot!) and kinder. I need to stop beating myself up because I cannot work, and accept it. And I am so thankful for friends and family who build me up. I never want to know what life would be like without any of them!
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And I need to take this precious time to REST and enjoy exactly where I am … because I was reminded today, that I am exactly where God wants me to be. He will heal me, but it needs to be for His glory. He is using me to show someone a miracle … I can feel it.
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In the meantime, I believe I need to work on getting more toxicity out of my life (mentally and physically). What do you think???? But for the record, I still feel blessed beyond measure … because I have friends to lean on, NO MATTER WHAT!!
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My hope is you are able to remove yourself from any chaos or negativity, and find peace with those you allow yourself to spend time with regularly. My prayers are for you to know you are valued, appreciated, and worthy … of peace of heart, mind, and soul. Topped with Good Health. With that, we each will continue to have much to be thankful for, won’t we? … by the way, I really will pay someone to get rid of “Throb” and this constant ringing in my ears … let me know your cost. lol
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Happy thoughts and positive energy to you and yours this holiday season!
Always,
Robin
“The Sky Angel”
PO Box 449
Mercer Island, WA 98040
Tags: Robin Schmidt, The Sky Angel, Travel
I have watched you on FB for a long time now. I think you are mistaken regarding your work. You actually work for God. The other was simply to put you in a position to be of service. It sounds as though your place of service is shifting.
Detoxing is never easy especially when you are doing it internally as well as externally. To avoid the hate and negativity of the world lately almost feels like an insurmountable task. I to try to remember to look to God and be strong.
I have been unemployed for 2 1/2 years and I am still wondering what God wants me to do. I feel that I am not really doing much right now. Then again if I was on the outside looking in I would be telling myself the same thing I have told you. I am already doing what God wants.
Be gentle with yourself Robin. You deserve it. Heal inside and out. It will allow you to be of better service.
/\Sat Nam,
Genevieve